Because God knows the cops around here don't do anything about the neighbor who blows off fireworks every single night. Boom. Boom. Boom. To be fair, the cops can't really do much - the bomber is hidden in the woods somewhere. But, why can't he at least end up in an orange jumpsuit in a YouTube video? Oh, right, these are the freedumbs we fought them over there for so we wouldn't have to fight them over here. Just pretend to every night.