Gangster

  The Puppy.

The Puppy.

  The Puppy as he might appear after a few stints in the pen.

The Puppy as he might appear after a few stints in the pen.

Of course, that little puppy is his own man and is going to have to make his own mind up about things, but as new evidence suggests that he's already been marked by gang violence, it's not going to be easy. The evidence — a tell-tale teardrop tattoo — was found when a bath failed to wash it off that terrifying, grizzled face. What else could it mean? Evidently, whichever gang he was trying to impress with that teardrop of his treated him kindly, because he displays no fear. Maybe he just has ice water in his veins. Maybe he's too hard a case already. Or it could be that the gang bosses of west Arkansas know how to handle youngsters and were laying off the rough stuff until he was deemed ready for some kind of gruesome gang initiation rite. Long-standing gang tradition holds that that doesn't happen until the junior gangsta reaches seven weeks or seven pounds, whichever comes first. At his current size — that of a rabbit's foot key fob — he still has a way to go.

Nonetheless, because of this newly perceived threat — and thank you Donald Trump for opening my eyes to the fact that all problems, no matter when or where they may occur, can be blamed on the pervasiveness of gangs on American streets, gangs who might be able to operate $100 billion cocaine, heroin and meth cartels, have their own air forces, submarine fleets, telecom installations, banks and intelligence agencies, but who are going to be in for one hell of a surprise when they show up at the 15-foot high Glorious Southern Border Wall-a-Lago™ without a rope ladder — drastic measures to redeem the puppy, taken on an emergency basis, are called for.

It's not time to be naming names just yet, but for now let's just say that the puppy is being prepared to enter the Witness Protection Program. Complicated plans to transport him under cover of darkness to a distant state are being developed. I know that those of you who believe in strict criminal punishment might object to his getting away with the crimes of his sordid past, but rest assured that's its not going to be easy for him. In exchange for not being tried as an adult under gang violence statutes and racketeering laws, he has had to agree to cooperate fully with Robert Mueller. He understands that if he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life in the pokey, that's the way it's going to have to be. Sure, they'll call him a rat, even if he's only a quarter of the size of one.

The teardrop, though, is going to stay. Every time he looks in the mirror for the rest of his life he'll have to remember the price of a life gone off the rails.

To anyone with a heart, that should be punishment enough. 

  The Puppy settling a dispute with another inmate.

The Puppy settling a dispute with another inmate.